I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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