We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I currently don't understand fingers.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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