During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
