Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
