hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
