plz talk dirty to me
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
