I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
