I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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