i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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