Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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