guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
