I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
