im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
