i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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