Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
you are never too drunk for berry picking
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
