He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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