I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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