Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
