the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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