I'm so fucking centered right now
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
