Fuck appropriateness.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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