420 ftw
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
