just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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