A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize