her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My pussy is not your playground.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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