i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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