Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
