this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
