I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
