I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
