i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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