Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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