I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
