I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
