I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
