Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
