I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
