And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
