i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
