I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
