Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
