Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
