Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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