If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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