she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
