I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
