I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
