The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she was so not down for the gang bang
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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