im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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