Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
