apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
