I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize