I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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