remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
