he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
