I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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