If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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