They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
