The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
