Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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